Xbox Live

Hey, Xbox… you’re Live Silver membership is worthless. Just thought I’d share that. I was supposed to be a nerd tonight and play Gears of War online with some buddies but alas, my membership does not have this ability.

Due to the job situation as described below, I’m not in a position to drop $50 on a membership until I know I am safe in my employment.

If Xbox were more like Playstation, the membership would be free and I could call “Game On!!!!” tonight like the nerd in me wants to say.

Whatever.

It’s all in the paperwork…

So, I’m a contracted business analyst to Cingular. I get a call last night saying that Cingular can’t find the paperwork for my contract. Without that, I can’t work. So I’m being forced to take a vacation day as they “get the signature”.

Intertesting. I’m not too worried about it because they said they really like me and want to keep me on board; they just need to re-do the paperwork so I can come back on as soon as possible. “Legalities” I guess.

I just find this kinda lame because now I have to use a vacation day. I would have liked to have saved this for actual vacation.

Update: Well, it wasn’t just the paperwork. With the AT&T/Bell South merger having it’s downstream effects to Cingular resulted in me losing my job. That, my friends, is super lame. Now I’m on the job hunt…

"War is Post-Birth Abortion"

I was driving home from work the other day and someone had posted a giant sign on an overpass for everyone to see. This is a common place where democrats/liberals like to protest. It is also a place where I like to flip the birdie to people on the overpass. In case you are asking yourself, this is not just a coincidence.

The sign read “War is Post-Birth Abortion”.

Let’s think about this. The protestors, most likely liberals over democrats, are using this statement to prove their point that the war in Iraq is wrong and immoral. Good for you libs, I may not agree with your opinion, but I respect it.

However, using “War is Post-Birth Abortion” is very ironic. I know you are trying to make a point using the fact that Republicans are against abortion, but this is where you have made yourself hypocrites:

You are pro-choice. You support abortion. By saying “War is Post-Birth Abortion”, you are, without realizing it, saying that you are pro-war.

Here’s an idea: I’m going to make a sign that says “Abortion is Pre-Birth War”.

Paper Cuts

I love paper cuts. Quite mysterious they are.

It’s quick slice, a little blood, and the release of endorphins as the body quickly tries to heal itself.

Other times, you just notice a cringing sensation and you find the cut, wondering “Golly jee, when did this happen?”.

Paper cuts are the best when they are inside the knuckle so that anytime you bend your finger, you are pleasantly reminded of the initial contact of skin-paper-skin.

Oh wait, I’m being very cynical here.

PAPER CUTS F’N SUCK! OW! MY FINGER HURTS! SON OF A…!!!!

that’s all for now.

She’s a man’s man, man.

I just got back from the grocery store. Interesting experience it was.

I picked up salmon, milk,and eggs. I walk up to the register and the clerk rings up my groceries. I, not really paying attention, just walk up to the debit machine and start running my card.

“How’s your night going?” I ask, more out of habit, not like a genuinely cared (come on, we all do it…). I didn’t even look up because I’m pressing the series of buttons on the debit machine.

“Not too bad. Do you have an Albertson’s Card?” The clerk asks.

“No, ma’am, I don’t.” I reply.

Pause. “Would you like to sign up for one?”

“No thank you, ma’am”, I answer.

Another pause. “Please don’t call me ‘ma’am’” The clerk stated, sounding somewhat annoyed.

The clerks voice was, well, either high for a man, or low for a woman, and as previously mentioned, I wasn’t really paying attention. I say “Sorry, about that, sir.”

Whoops! I just realized as I said that, that clerk actually was a woman… just, well, kind of a beastly one. Oh crap.

She says, “Actually, I meant ‘ma’am’ makes me feel old. Thanks.“

Wow, now I felt like an ass.

Survival of the… what?

You know, I am absolutely amazed at how some people survive in this world. In my job, I am a business analyst, project manager, tech support, and an administrator for an application at work. I’m a busy guy. I don’t really have time to decipher emails from people that can’t even speak or type in any form of English.

I can work with some typos and the occasional skipped word, but when someone is trying to get something across to me and throws out misspelled words, contractions where they shouldn’t be, double negatives, and contradictions to one’s own statements, it makes my job really difficult.

Here is an example of what I am dealing with right now:

Idiot: I would like to make an account on your [system] or [some other system]. I took over this job from a gentleman with the name. He had an account here. I am not doing work for this in Illinois. Can you please contact me on how I can get account.

Me: Do you need an account for [my application] or [the other system]? They are two different systems, both are based on the [vendor] platform. I can help with [my application]. If you’re not sure which one, just let me know what type of work you’ll be doing and I should be able to figure out what you need.If you already know you need access to [my application], go [URL], click “Apply for an Account”, and fill out all the required information.

Idiot: I have a [other system] account. I saw that after I send you email. I apply one. If I didn’t something wrong please let me know.

So, I then get a new user request from this guy in my system. Keep in mind, the new user request specifically details what is required information. This includes what access levels you need, what you will be doing in the system, first/last name, office phone number, and email address.

The idiot fails to enter what access levels he needs or what he will be doing in the application, so I have no idea how to set him up. On top of that, he enters his 5 digit office phone number, which somehow consists of numbers AND letters. Oh, and he also skipped his email address, but “luckily” I already had it from the email chain.

How this guy gets up in the morning and dresses himself, is beyond me. How he has the title “engineer” is also beyond me. The fact that someone hired this guy to do a job, proves he is not the only one which is this stupid.

This is proof that evolution is complete crap. Survival of the fittest? No, survival of the most reproductive is more like it. Stupid people breed excessively, and there is power in numbers, thus making stupid very, very powerful. No comment on the Bush Administration.

At least I can look at the bright side: If nothing sucked, nothing would be awesome. If nothing was ugly, nothing would be beautiful. Without stupid, there would be no smart.

The Laws of Plumbing

This actually happened a couple weeks ago and I never got around to posting it. It will probably be very funny to you, but let me tell you, it PISSED ME OFF!

So, I’m sitting at work after having a pretty hefty lunch when my stomach turns and I realize I have to go to the restroom – bad. I pretty much sped-walk to the restroom and when I finally got there, the first stall was taken, so walk in to the next stall.

I notice the last person did not flush the toilet. Gross. I don’t want to see that. Whatever, I’ll just flush it. So the toilet starts flushing. And keeps flushing…

I’m dying at this point, I have to go so bad. What may have been 45 seconds to 1 minute, seemed like 4 or 5 minutes. The toilet still had not stopped flushing.

“Screw this… I’m going to another restroom.”

I start making the painful walk out of the restroom, and as soon as I step foot out the door, the flushing stops.

I walk back into the stall, and guess what? IT STARTS FLUSHING AGAIN!!! WTF?!

I wait again for another minute and it just doesn’t stop. It feels like torture at this point. I’m pissed, and the guy in the next stall is laughing his ass off.

This is when I decided it was definitely worth the walk to the other restroom.

The Weather Man

The weather man drives me crazy. I’ve been sittin at home today, looking out the window and watching the newest snowstorm. It’s been going four hours and we’ve probably got another couple inches.

I decide to give the weather man the benefit of the doubt and check out the forecast.

“In Western Washington, we are sunny and cold, but all the moisture has left us.”

What the…?!

DUDE! Is your radar broke? Should we rename it the Dipwad Doppler?! It might be cold, but it ain’t sunny! It’s still snowing, and hard! Seeing that he can’t even get it right for what’s happening at this very moment, I’m not even going to hang around to see what is “going to happen”.

I guess trying to find a weather man that knows what he is talking about is like finding an honest car salesman, lawyer, or politician. It’s just not going to happen.

Tigger

You know what grinds my gears? People like the Monoco family that are suing Disneyland because Tigger hit their son.

Has anyone watched the CBS interview with this family?

Anyone with half a brain can see this family has been coached by their lawyer and is lying through their teeth. The little bastard didn’t even get hit that hard, however, he had enough “neck pain” to necessitate medication. They say the kid never provoked Tigger, but if you even glance at the video, you can see the kid did something to Tigger when he reached behind Tigger’s back. However, “they did nothing to provoke Tigger.

This case is just as stupid as that one moron lady who sued McDonalds because SHE spilled hot coffee on herself.

Personally, I think we should, with a lack of better terms, kill two birds with one stone: Line up the Monoco kid next to the Burning Coffee Lady, give Tigger a pair of boxing gloves and have him beat the ever living crap out of them. Justice is served.

Step aside Terry Tate…

There’s a new office linebacker in town! Apparently this is the result of office gossip…