The Pointless Smile

You know, I feel like a hypocrite. I caught myself doing the same thing I find so annoying. What is this you ask? It’s the “pointless smile”.

It’s when you are walking down the hall at work, or the sidewalk anywhere else and you are walking past someone and you both give the “pointless smile” to each other.

The “pointless smile” is intended to be a courteous gesture, but in reality, it’s a “buster, I don’t know you, I don’t want to know you, so keep on walking” implication.

So, next time you walk by me and feel like giving me a smile like this:

Go fuck yourself.

Shady

For the last year or so, I’ve lived in a rental house. It was a seemingly nice house. Decorated, decently sized, very nice yard. It was great for my fiancee and soon to be step-daughter. A few months into living there, we found a leak in the roof. It wasn’t too bad, or so we thought.

As summer came to a close, fall and winter rolled in. We had big rainstorms through 2007 and as each one hit, the leak got worse. We kept exeriencing this and it is still a problem to this day.

My landlord had “fixed” this many times. I use the term “fixed” very loosely. He kept sending his friend to “fix” it. In fact, while I lived there, I have had to be home 8 times while these issues were addressed. Apparently there were another 6 times before we even moved in.

It wasn’t a huge leak, so we figured we could negotiate a lower price on the house since he offered to sell it to us.

When we talked about buying the house, the landlord said he wanted $390,000 for it. At that point, we decided we were going to check out other houses that didn’t have issues, would cost way less, and not have a trashy-ass trailer park with mass mullets running amuck across the street. The owners are going to sell it anyway

We found a beautiful home with almost nothing needing to be done for $340,000. Awesome deal, love the new house, but that’s not the focus of my story here.

Anyway, in our last week there, we are in the process of cleaning the place up. My fiancee just called me and said a drywaller was there and overheard a conversation between him and the owners of the house. The owners asked him to cover it up and make it look like there was no damage.

So the guy gets to work, tears the ceiling apart, and discovers the entire roof is on the verge of collapsing because it is so rotten.

He tried nailing two 2×4’s on each side of the support beams to give them new support. The original support beams couldn’t support the new 2×4’s. They didn’t crack, they didn’t break. They smooshed. WTF?! Ya, I know, wood isn’t supposed to smoosh, but this time it did.

This is so bad. I’ve talked to every roofer that has come out to do an estimate. Every single one of them have said I dodged a bullet. I didn’t know how big this bullet was until this last incident.

And yet, the owner is still trying to cover this up and sell the house. Hm… who wants to start a pool on how long it takes for someone to sue my old landlord for everything he’s got?

The Obituary of Common Sense

A friend passed this along to me in email. It is so true! Enjoy.

Obituary

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments becamecontraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when youcouldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed torealize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Had to share this pic…

I saw this picture on one of my friend’s myspace profiles and laughed so hard I snorted and had tears in my eyes. I hope you find this as funny as I did. You may have to click to open in a new window to see it right.

It’s not a competition!

So, I was the 2nd person out of 4 of my circle of friends to get engaged within the last year. I was the first to set a solid date.

First I get a call from Nameless #1 confirming when my wedding was, then proceeded to tell me he was getting married just a few days before me, but “don’t worry, I’ll hold off on my honeymoon so I can go to your wedding”. Sorry dude, I don’t believe that for a second. You’ve been with your fiance for about 2 years and not once has she even bothered to meet your friends. There is a snowflake’s chance in hell she will let you hold off your honeymoon so that you can attend a friend’s wedding that she has never even met.

Next, I found out from Nameless #2 that him and his fiance (no offense, but she is a fat ugly bitch that somehow controls you without you even knowing, that we all think you are a complete dumbass for marrying) had set their wedding the DAY BEFORE MINE. When everyone found this out, they highly suggested they change their date because people were going to be forced into choosing which wedding to go, and people would choose the wedding they actually support – you know, the one where they like more than just the groom…

The only good one, my buddy Brad, had tentatively planned his wedding an entire month before. That is fine by me. At least Brad isn’t trying to steal anyone’s thunder.

My point here, to the first 2 “nameless” people, is that you suck. You are very inconsiderate. Whether you are being just plain rude, ignorant, or both, the fact is this is not a competition.

#1, I never said anything about this to you because honestly, I wasn’t sure if your wedding was real, that it might have been like the “she’s buying a me a porsche”, “she’s buying me a skyline”, or “she’s buying me a condo” claims that never happened. You’re a great guy, but the boy can cry wolf only so many times, ya know?

#2, you are LUCKY that we were already considering moving our wedding date up. Otherwise, you would be very disappointed on got your wedding invitation RSVPs, having few to none of your friends showing up because YOU forced them into choosing.

Brad – you’re cool. Nice work. You were the first to get engaged and you are one of my best friends, so I made sure I gave some time in between your engagement and mine, and that our weddings were not going to be so close to each other.

Anyways, long story short, I hate competition. With #1 and #2 above, that’s exactly what this was turning into. I’m not about that. I have changed my wedding date to January 26th, 2008.

Maybe having a January wedding will mean no one can f*** with this date. I’m not moving it again. If anyone else tries, expect justice: A kick in the nuts and a punch in the neck!