Silly Governer, bars are for adults

Our Governor of Washington state, the thief known as Chris Gregoire, attempted to go into a bar the other day.

Gregoire, as Governor, should know the law.  Why then, did she attempt to go in a bar without ID?

I say ‘YAHOO’ for the bouncer for denying her!

All of Gregoire’s cohorts were trying to get the bouncer to budge, but he wouldn’t do it.  Whether or not he had any political reason behind it, he was smart and held true to the requirements of which previous violations in Seattle led to Operation Sobering Thought.

The fact is with our government being as slimy as they are, this bouncer, regardless of ridicule by the Governor Groupies and his own boss, followed the law.  If someone can’t be identified, they can’t be let in!

So, Gregoire was sent home, and her husband still went into the bar.

I’m willing to bet Mr. Gregoire, after ditching his wife, bought the bouncer a shot and said “Thanks, dude.”

Some laws actually have good reason

Four words:  Secure your motherf***ing load!!!

We have a law to secure loads for good reason.  If you don’t secure your mothf***ing load, your sh*t will fly out and cause damage, injury, or death.  All because you are too f***ing lazy to tie your sh*t down.

This morning I was on my way to work when a white bucket flew out of someone’s truck a couple cars ahead of me.  It looked like it was rolling over to the side and out of my way, but a semi drove by and the wind knocked it straight in front of my car and i hit at about 40 mph…  I hit it twice, first time it bounced back in front of me and then came back for round two.  It was a 5 gallon bucket versus a 3300 pound car… guess who won?

At least I won this battle.  I’m sure there was an accident shortly after as I looked in my rear view mirror and saw cars swerving to miss it.  So, I called the department of transportation to advise of a “cleanup” need.

Luckily, my fate wasn’t like either of the links I provided above, but I did get some scuffs.  They look like they’ll buff out, so this still ended well at least.  Just frustrating as hell.

I’ll say it again… secure your motherf***ing load!!!!

The infinite wisdom of tech support…

I got this email a couple minutes ago (12:45 PM to be exact) from my company’s tech support team:

We are currently experiencing server issues resulting in our Exchange servers being down.  This means email will not work until further notice.  We will notify you when this is resolved.

The time stamp on this email was 9:23 AM.  Maybe you didn’t pay attention to the parenthetical statement above, so I will reiterate: I received the email at 12:45 PM.

Someone please explain to me why some jackass, that is supposed to be intelligent, sends an email to let people know the email system is down?

Maybe if our ticketing system went down, they’d get the hint faster:

“Hey, the ticket system is down!”  “File a ticket!”

Wait, what?

It’s kind of like that time when the power went out and a certain family member said “Hey, let’s just put in a movie to pass the time!”

Potassium

My wife sent me this lil’ tidbit of information she found on some health website.  I found this quite interesting:

Potassium is a mineral found in many foods and supplements. But you will never see pure potassium in a healthfood store or pharmacy-it’s a highly reactive metal that bursts into flames when exposed to water! The potassium you eat, or take as a supplement, is composed of potassium atoms bound to other nonmetallic substances-less exciting, perhaps, but chemically stable.

HOLY CRAP!  Potassium can be set to fire by contact with WATER?!  THAT IS F***ING AWESOME!

Just when you thought the Period Table of Elements was boring…

Halo 4

“Show me your techno-I’m-on-mushrooms dance”

This just goes to show that 10 years after my last rave, some things never die.

Hide-a-bed

My wife sent me this article.  The jist of it is that some Russian woman got pissed off that her husband was all drunk and wouldn’t get up (sidebar: to the best of my knowledge, no cheese whiz was involved.  don’t ask.)

So, in all her wisdom, she “accidently” hits the lever on the bed that converts it to a couch.  Said process killed the man.  The authorities are then called and when they show up, they ax the hide-a-way bed apart until they can pull out the body.

Interesting.  I’m trying to figure out who was stupider.  Was it:

A) The woman for killing her husband.  I mean really, how do you accidently hit one of those levers?  I’ve seen them.  You can’t really “accidently” flip that switch. 

B) The man for getting killed by a couch.  Who the hell gets killed by a couch?!  This may be a first in history.

C) The firefighters who axed the couch/bed apart to get to the body.  Let me ask you this:  Why not just flip the lever the other way?  You know, the same one that resulted in the bed closing on the drunkard?

Hi, I’m here for the gangbang

Ever wonder what the thought process is when someone goes to a gangbang for the first time?  Me either.  But if I did, I would imagine it would be something like this.

Check it out here

A beer before it starts

Thanks to JB for this…

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”.

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

When he finished it, he said, “Quick, get me another beer.  It’s gonna start.”

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, “Quick, get me another beer before it starts.”

“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave getting you beer after beer.  Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and iron all day long??”

The husband sighed and said, “Oh shit, it’s started.”

Read your paperwork…

A new colleague at work, who we call “FNG” until his 1-month mark, just told me this story about his buddy, who I will call “Sucka”, who just got a new job.  I wasn’t there, so the following is abridged but the numbers and general events are correct.

In the interview, the Employer asks what Sucka’s salary requirements are.  Suck replies with “24″.

Sucka gets an offer letter shortly after.  He skips to the signature line, signs it, and sends it back. 

Let’s fast forward to first paycheck.  Sucka opens up his paycheck to find it was about half of what he was expecting. 

Sucka goes to Employer with a kind “WTF is this shiznit?” inquiry.

Sucka finds out there was a miscommunication in the interview.

When he said “24″ in response to the salary requirement question, Sucka meant “$24 per HOUR”.

The Employer heard “$24,000 per year”, because well, let’s face it, he asked what the SALARY requirements are, not the HOURLY RATE.

Next time, read your paperwork… Sucka!