Awkward Coffee

It’s been a long day at work. We had a big release that didn’t go quite as well as planned, but we finally got our site up and running. Once that was done, it was time to start testing the site in production. Needless to say, it’s been a crazy day which has worn me out. About 2:45 in the afternoon, I’m getting tired.

It’s time for coffee. Oh yes, coffee time. Luckily, there is a barista onsite at work. I walk on over.

So far, so good.

As I walk up to the barista, I see her staring at me. I get to the counter, and you know, since she was staring at me, I figured she was waiting to take my order.

“Can I get a 16oz iced caramel macchiato please?” I ask.

She slowly raises her phone to her ear and holds up her other hand and says to me “hang on a second”. She then starts talking on her phone for about a minute.

The barista then hangs up and has me repeat the order. I hand her the money and then go stand by the wall to wait for my coffee.

When I got to the wall, I noticed a guy standing about 6 feet away from me. He was singing, yes – SINGING, about Spiderman and Aquaman capes. Nevermind the fact that neither of these comic book characters wear caps. The fact is, this guy was literally singing about Spiderman and Aquaman capes. Not cool.

As if that wasn’t weird enough, another guy who ordered his coffee after me came and stood by me at the wall. Now, when I say “he came and stood by me”, I mean he really stood by me. Straight up invaded my personal bubble and was leaning against me.

I lean forward and looking over to the right giving him a completely blatant visual queue that he had at least 5 feet between him and Mr. I-sing-about-Spiderman-and-Aquaman-capes where he could stand without violating my personal space and setting off my gaydar. He notices me giving this “hint” and looks back at me and says “Sup”. I then nonchalantly step over to my left, to the extent that he was no longer jumping my border, and returned the greeting.

Needless to say, as soon as I got my coffee, I was out of there like Speedy Gonzales.

You’d think that this was some creepy coffee stand in some metropolitan area, but no, this was the in-house Starbucks in the Microsoft cafeteria.

Very awkward.

Winkers

Personally, I find the duck the funniest.  Get ready to waste 3 minutes and 38 seconds of your life.

You will never get that time back.  For that, I am sorry.

A new kind of floss…

Only in America will we try to encourage a healthy habit by associating it to a fat-filled, grease-dripping, heart attack enducing goodness that is… you guess it… bacon.

Without further ado, I present to you (a very crappy picture) “BACON FLOSS”:

Crab Attack

Ever had an ex you despise?  Are you on the verge of a mental illness?  Does this illness make you wish you can take revenge on your ex?  Are you in a conundrum of how to take this revenge without going to jail?

I have a solution for you!  My wife sent me this page – we are both flabberghasted at it.  Yes, FLABBERGHASTED!

The short of it is that you can order crabs.  Not dungeness, not king, nothing edible (well, that’s negotiable in this situation).  I am talking about non-other then that which is considered a sexually transmitted disease (curable of course).

This company ships you these crabs and it is your responsibility to dump these crabs where you see fit (actually, I don’t care what the article says – taking this action is probably going to result in jail time if you get caught).

You can read all the details here.  Of course, I also have to provide a pic that outlines the grand result of taking this revenge:

Hi, I’m here for the gangbang

Ever wonder what the thought process is when someone goes to a gangbang for the first time?  Me either.  But if I did, I would imagine it would be something like this.

Check it out here