Takin’ down Brown

Sorry for not posting in while.  I’ve been working like crazy.  Something like 16-20 hour days for almost a month.  Ya, wtf.  Anyway, in light of working that much, I don’t have anything really good to talk about.  Instead of babbling, I’m going to give you some awesome lyrical enjoyment.

It’s some funky house music dissin’ on Chris Brown, the douchebag that beat his girlfriend Rhianna.  Even if you don’t like electronic music, you have to listen to the lyrics.

Takin’ down Brown!  I’m definitely adding this to my dj set.

A day in the life of a drug dealer

First, I would like to leave the caveat that this is not me.  This is a re-enactment.  Uh, narrative.  Uh, re-ennarrativement.  Ah, hell, whatever.  You know what I mean.

11:30 AM: 

RRRRRIIING!!!!! (to the tone of Kottonmouth Kings or something like that)

“Ugh, why are people calling so early?” picks up the phone and hits ‘talk’ “Hello?”

“Yo dawg, I need an ounce of the chrizzo!”

“Alight man, meet me at USA Motel, room 420.”

“A’ight”

“Coo’.”

“What should I wear today?”  he says to himself “Ah, there we go.” He puts on his clothes and waits for the buyer to show up.  

About 30 minutes later, there’s a knock at the door.  Opens it up, and has the buyer come in.

They do the deal, and when the money is exchanged for the weed, the door to the room is knocked down and the police barge in with their drug dogs.  

The police, upon noticing his shirt, stop in their tracks and say “Seriously?” and point and laugh at his shirt.

“It’s not ILLEGAL unless you get CAUGHT” is printed along the shirt.

“DUMBASS!” exclaims one of the police officers, then proceeds to arrest him.

“Dumbass…” the drug dealer says to himself…

Looks like you don’t have to live in the backwoods of Alabama to be a dumbass.

Source

Some laws actually have good reason

Four words:  Secure your motherf***ing load!!!

We have a law to secure loads for good reason.  If you don’t secure your mothf***ing load, your sh*t will fly out and cause damage, injury, or death.  All because you are too f***ing lazy to tie your sh*t down.

This morning I was on my way to work when a white bucket flew out of someone’s truck a couple cars ahead of me.  It looked like it was rolling over to the side and out of my way, but a semi drove by and the wind knocked it straight in front of my car and i hit at about 40 mph…  I hit it twice, first time it bounced back in front of me and then came back for round two.  It was a 5 gallon bucket versus a 3300 pound car… guess who won?

At least I won this battle.  I’m sure there was an accident shortly after as I looked in my rear view mirror and saw cars swerving to miss it.  So, I called the department of transportation to advise of a “cleanup” need.

Luckily, my fate wasn’t like either of the links I provided above, but I did get some scuffs.  They look like they’ll buff out, so this still ended well at least.  Just frustrating as hell.

I’ll say it again… secure your motherf***ing load!!!!

Cheaters

16 years. 10 years married. 10 years this son-of-a-bitch lived off of my sister. He has used her for all her money, her house, everything. He’s caused problems in the family since day one by being a loud-mouthed, alcoholic, drug-addicted jackass.

I’m not one for divorce. In fact, I won’t even let that word in my house. Then again, I am not a cheating f***face either. I don’t cheat friends and family, and I sure as hell don’t cheat on my wife.

I guess that’s where we differ Shane. You stupid son-of-a-bitch. You just made the biggest mistake of your life. Now my sister is dropping your ass. You will have nothing left but this whore of a 19 year old tramp.

You are what, 33 years old? What do have to show for yourself? Jail time, at least 8 years of unemployment under your belt, and the only things you have ever “owned” my sister paid for. Not to mention that big ol’ scar above your eye which is the result of your own stupidity of trying to cheat before.

Consider yourself lucky that she has put up with your shit this long. Now you are going to have a wakeup call. You are going to find out what life is really about. Have fun on the streets. Have fun dealing with lawyers. Have fun finding out what deeper than rock bottom is like.

As if CM didn’t complain enough…

There were a few flakes of snow.  Nothing was even sticking.

I decide to check the traffic map.  Keep in mind it is only 2:30.  “TRAFFIC” has not even started yet. 

However:

WTF.

Jackassery Award of the Day, Volume 5

Not much to say about this one.  In a nutshell, an 18 year old woman makes a deposit at a bank and accidently includes a bag of methamphetamine.  Bank calls police, police find woman, woman arrested for possession.

I don’t have this woman’s name, but whoever she is, she gets the Jackassery Award of the Day. 

Source: Well, that deposit certainly drew some interest

Nice Wand…

There have been times when I would have rathered to have partied instead of going to work, but guess what?  I’ll just finish my day, then go party. It keeps me out of trouble.

Not this guy.

This guy just calls in sick, saying he will be out for a family emergency.  The next day, this guys boss just happens to check out his FaceBook page (an equivalent to MySpace) and finds the below picture that was posted and dated for the day that the dumbass “had to attend his family emergency”.

The boss replies to the email (while BCCing the whole office) with the following: “Thanks for letting us know – Hope everything is OK in New York.  (Cool wand).  Cheers, PCD”.

Good ol’ Gore Bashin’

Good stuff.  I never saw this site before. 

Check it out: Stupid Quotes and Lies by Al Gore

The Hunt

Well, it’s been since January 29th since I was laid off from my job. I’m on week four of unenjoyment (a.k.a. unemployment).

According to my “Job Application Log”, I have applied for 24 positions. I’ve had a couple promising interviews where I’m waiting for next steps, a second interview, or an offer.

Regardless, I am going stir crazy. I’ve never been out of a job like this. At least, not when I’m responsible for stuff, i.e. rent, groceries, car payment, bills, etc.

It’s ironic that when I had a job, I looked forward to having more than a week off. Now that I’ve got more than a week off, all I want is to get back in a job. Funny how that works out.

ABC Gum

That’s right, “Already Been Chewed” is the theme of this story. I ran into this story, titled Students get a lesson to chew on, on MSNBC.Quick synopsis: A non-profit organization called the Rockville Pregnancy Center, was leading a demonstration at several high schools, talking about pregnancy and STD awareness. There were two parts to the demonstration:

1. Having a volunteer chew a piece of gum for 5 seconds. When the 5 seconds is up, ask someone else to take over and start chewing that same piece of gum (i.e. ABC Gum). Apparently, upwards to 18 people were involved in this process.
2. Having a volunteer choose one of 4 pieces of chocolate, one of which may or may not have a laxative in it.

I understand the point is to show how stupid kids can be by willingly putting themselves in a situation that can have seriously negative affects.

What I don’t understand is why they didn’t just express their point before allowing the next person to partake in the demonstration. They are now the cause of that which they are trying to prevent.

The least of my concerns here is the Chocolate Volunteer choosing the Snickers: Colon Blow Edition. This is my big concern:

Imagine if ABC Gum Volunteer #3 had Herpes Simplex A (for those of you that don’t know, this is mouth herpes). Now, ABC Gum Volunteers #4-18 have a bucket of herpes in their mouth.

What’s next? Handing out a loaded bong with a lighter in D.A.R.E class?! “See what happens when you do drugs!”

Final thought: If I ever have a kid, I’ll just pay the money for private school.