You know what really bothers me? When you are driving down the street and see a shoe laying in the road.
If you see two shoes, you figure someone got hit by a car. Ran over. Kaput. End of story.
But, what’s the story behind just one shoe? Why is there just one shoe in the road?! It leads to so many questions…
…I personally love it. My buddy, the Cranky Monkey – well, let’s just say he’s not a fan. CM was quoting an article on MSNBC that I found quite amusing. I didn’t have much to blog about today, so I figured I’d give the rebuttal to this article.
Article comment #1: Facebook fosters the illusion that every person you know actually cares that you left your Nikes in the locker room at Crunch.
Article rebuttal #1: Actually, not much of a rebuttal here. I don’t care about your Nikes, I don’t care if you want to take a nap. I do, however, care if you have a funny quote or something that will actually entertain me. Leading by example, my current status reads: “Last week I helped my friend stay put. It’s easier than helping someone move. Just go over there and make sure he doesn’t load anything in a truck.”
Article comment #2: Nobody cares that you left your Nikes in the locker room at Crunch.
Article rebuttal #2: Refer to Article rebuttal #1
Article comment #3: If you join Facebook to find out what your kids are up to, you might actually find out what your kids are up to.
Article rebuttal #3: If you are a good parent, you already know what your kids are up to. If you have to get on the interweb to find out what your kids are doing, someone should be monitoring your actions, or inaction, as a parent.
Article comment #4: You don’t want to find out what your kids are up to.
Article rebuttal #4: I’m on #4 and I’m quickly finding out the author of this article may not be qualified to be an editor for a national news site. They are repeating comments to take up space. Refer to Article rebuttal #3.
Article comment #5: Unless, of course, you want to find photos of your 19-year-old daughter making out with another 19-year-old coed for the edification of a bunch of 19-year old dudes doing beer bongs. (That’s age 19, if you’re lucky.)
Article rebuttal #5: If you’re kid is 19, you shouldn’t be monitoring what they are doing. If you are still monitoring them, you are too obsessive and need to let go and let your kid be an adult.
Article comment #6: You can announce your divorce on Facebook via the heart icon thingy.
Article rebuttal #6: How about sticking to a commitment for once and not getting a divorce? Maybe then you won’t have to tell everyone you are getting one.
Article comment #7: Don’t announce your divorce on Facebook.
Article rebuttal #7: Refer to Article rebuttal #6.
Article comment #8: Don’t announce your divorce on Facebook for a number of reasons, the least of which is that all your “friends” will respond on your “wall” with sympathies that in a different era would’ve been delivered in privacy. You wouldn’t console somebody by shouting across a room full of people. Why are you doing it on a Facebook “wall?”
Article rebuttal #8: Refer to Article rebuttal #6 and #7. I’m getting tired of this referring thing.
Article comment #9: You people take Facebook way too seriously.
Article rebuttal #9: Who?
Article comment #10: A woman was killed after changing her relationship status on Facebook.
Article rebuttal #10: Facebook doesn’t determine the mental stability of people. This maniac would have done what he was going to do anyway. Stop blaming the wrong people.
Article comment #11: Remember that Burger King “Whopper Sacrifice” application that allegedly offered a free Whopper coupon for every 10 friends you dumped? Well, you probably shouldn’t have dumped a couple of your oldest friends, two of which are hardcore vegans. At least one of them didn’t find it hilarious at all and now they won’t “re-friend” you.
Article rebuttal #11: If you are willing to dump your friends for a free whopper, you need to be paid a visit by the maniac in Article comment #10.
Article comment #12: If you join Facebook to find people you used to know, you’re just as likely to find your middle school BFF Jill as you are to reignite the passions of that one guy from Photography class who has been stalking you since junior college.
Article rebuttal #12: No one is forcing you to hit “Accept” on the friend request you freakin’ douchebag.
Article comment #13: “Don’t Get Botox”
Article rebuttal #13: “Don’t Get Botox”
Article comment #14: Facebook can get you fired. Yes, you. Just like you are not that one person who can drive safely while talking on a cell phone, you are not that one person who is in no danger of getting fired for something stupid posted by or about you on Facebook.
Article rebuttal #14: Try not posting anything that will get you fired. Jackass.
Article comment #15: What’s more, your boss is on Facebook. If you join, you’re going to have to decide whether to accept his or her “friendship.” If you accept, you risk losing your job for something he or she stumbles upon. If you attempt to play it safe by not accepting your boss’s “friendship,” you risk losing your job for offending him or her.
Article rebuttal #15: If you feel like ignoring, your boss will get over it. I’ve never heard of anyone getting fired for keeping business and personal life separate. Even if that did happen, chances are you are burnt out and need a new job anyway. Oh, you were fired? Great, now you’re eligible for those increased unemployment benefits from new stimulus package.
Article comment #16: Oh, and you’re also at risk of alienating your oldest friends by bumping their rank in your “Always show these friends” box. We’re talking your adult friends, like, in their 30s and 40s, with jobs and kids and all kinds of grown-up responsibilities.
Article rebuttal #16: Most likely these are the friends that you are willing to dump for a free Whopper. Everyone will get over it. Except for the maniac from Article comment #10.
Article comment #17: Your otherwise grown-up friends are angry at you for bumping their “Always show these friends” rank because obviously you’re trying to communicate some kind of super secret Facebook message along the lines of, “I value your friendship two-people less today than I did yesterday.” It’s like watching your friendship stock plummet.
Article rebuttal #17: OK, this redundant commenting is getting on my nerves. Refer to Article rebuttal #16.
Article comment #18: The esteemed widow of former Emperor of Malawi did not just send you a “friend” request, nor is she bearing a unique and prosperous offer straight out of Nigeria just for you.
Article rebuttal #18: I’ve never received BS like this. These scams are a MySpace and Hotmail Junk folder issue. Not Facebook.
Article comment #19: And while we’re on the subject, I’VE JUST BEEN HELD UP AT GUNPOINT IN LONDON AND I NEED YOU TO SEND ME $600 NOW!!!!!
Article rebuttal #19: The author is cleverly disguising Article comment #18 as a new comment. I can see through the bullshit.
Article comment #20: Facebook is most concerned about Your Privacy. (And the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny are friends!)
Article rebuttal #20: If you had an ounce of intelligence in you, you’d know that no one cares about your privacy. They just say that so you’ll shut up. Again, don’t put anything self deprecating or personally identifiable about yourself that could lead to hacked accounts, financial ruin, whatever. Would you do this in normal conversation? No. Would you do this in any type of electronic communication? No. Why do this on something everyone can see then? Oh, maybe because you are a douchbag.
Article comment #21: Don’t connect your Facebook and Twitter accounts. People you haven’t heard from for, like, seven years — people you never thought you were friends with — will leave lame and annoying comments on your Tweets.
Article rebuttal #21: Most people get on Facebook or whatever social network to get in touch with people. It’s an acceptable risk.
Article comment #22: It’s like, hey, if you want to rekindle the friendship I never thought we had, call me or at least send a private e-mail. Jeez.
Article rebuttal #22: If you are that sensitive about the method of communication, you have the option to email a reply privately. You have options. Jeez.
Article comment #23: OK, the cool thing about having your Facebook and Twitter accounts connected is that your Tweets show up as your status updates. But then, if people respond on Twitter and maybe ask you something, and you respond via Twitter, it shows up as your Facebook status, and that’s annoying.
Article rebuttal #23: That’s a technical issue. Complain to Twitter and Facebook tech support.
Article comment #24: While you’re sending zombie challenges to all your “friends,” there’s a guy in Egypt using Facebook to foment democracy.
Article rebuttal #24: If you are spending your time on zombie challenges, chances are you probably don’t care about some guy fomenting democracy. There’s even a higher chance that you aren’t qualified to take on the guy that is fomenting democracy. Leave it to the professionals and you don’t have to worry wasting your precious zombie time.
Article comment #25: Eventually, someone will post photos from your high school yearbook. Dang, your hair was big.
Article rebuttal #25: Fine with me. I like to reminisce about the time when I had hair.
Rooster’s final thoughts:
You only have to involve yourself in stuff you want to involve yourself in. You have options to participate or not participate. No one is forcing you to do anything.
If you are going to publicly and nationally advertise your issues with Facebook, make sure you are fully qualified to be an editor of such an article. This means that you can take your 25 comments, eliminate redundancy, and post your 12, maybe 13 comments so as not to bore your readers. The author can learn from people like CM and myself. Make your point and be done with it. Jackass.
Apparently there is a rule about which wrist you wear a watch on. If you are left handed, you wear your watch on the right wrist. If you a correct (right) handed, you wear your watch on the left wrist.
I may not smoke “recreational” substances anymore, but sometimes I still get stoner thoughts that go through my head. Here’s proof:
Why does this watch rule apply? Is it because if someone tries to use their left hand to put their watch on their right wrist when they are right handed, they find it to be A) physically impossible, B) they look like a freakin moron that can’t accomplish the simple task of putting a watch on, or C) both A and B?
What’s my point? I don’t know. Just a random thought.
I noticed there are just a sh!t ton of birthdays this month. That means that a lot of people get busy in October. I therefore declare October as “National Hump Month”.
For all you people having birthdays this month, I leave you with this thought: When October comes around, think about your parents humping and thank them.
Now try to get THAT image out of your head.
Well, I bet that title scared you. Fortunately for you, I’m not going to talk about VD. It’s been a while since I provided a completely-useless-who-really-cares article that means absolutely nothing to you and has nothing to do with growing oneself or enhancing wisdom of any kind.
My question stemmed from a company conference call. Or Church. Or any other sort of presentation: When it’s over, people clap. They applaud to show respect and thanks for what was just presented to them.
But why? Why do we clap?! It’s actually a very annoying sound. No rythm. Just a series of sounds compiled by the ruthless slapping of hands against each other.
There are several theories behind this. I’ll start from the most general to the the most probable explanations:
1) In Greek and Roman empirical times, clapping was actually a sound made out of disrespect to drown out actors who really sucked ass.
2) Ancient Rome would slap their champions on the back for a job well done. When the champion wasn’t close enough to touch, people would clap their hands together to ensure their champion knew they were being recognized. This grew to everyone clapping and eventually became common practice for all types of presentations.
3) Kings and Queens of ancient times could not speak to commoners, so when they approved of something, they clapped so that people would know of royal approval. Honestly, this is the stupidest explanation I’ve heard.
4) Clapping originated from tribal groups. As we all know, tribes – whether African, South American, or a bum on the corner of 5th & Main trying to earn a nickel – are famous for playing drums. When there was no way to show recognition, people would mimic the sound of the drums by clapping their hands together in approval. A sign of “I like you… I would like to be like you”. Of course, unless you are of African decent, you have no rhythm, so this mimicking of the drums became a random banging of palms together, but still recognized as an expression of approval.
5) Going back to our primal days as cavemen, people would jump around and slap various parts of their bodies to show excitement for, let’s say, the successful hunt-and-kill of a mammoth. As people became more civilized and realized they looked like a bunch of f***ing idiots, this action evolved to simple hand clapping, and thus became the sign of recognition for all time.
6) This theory makes the most sense as we have visual proof: It is simply a primal instinct. Take a look at a happy baby. As soon as the baby has developed motor skills and something excites them, they clap. Or, how about you look at a monkey. They also instinctively clap to show happiness, excitement, or approval. Then again, they also throw poop.
So, there is your useless information. If you feel like this post was a complete waste of your time, then my work here is done.
Got your own theory? Leave a comment and humor me.
Gas stations are going to start showing porn at the gas pump so you that you can watch someone else getting screwed at the same time you are!
(thanks G for the awesome quote)
Last Saturday I bought some new jeans. Apparently a lot of clothing places have gone away with the whole waist and length sizing and just going with waist and get-it-altered-for-the-right-length. So, Monday I went to an alteration place and had them size me up.
To do so, they had me go in the bathroom and change into the new jeans. When I went in there, something very odd caught my eye:
All I want to know is what the purple flying f*** is going on here?! Why is there a yam, that looks like a log, in a bowl with a spoon in the bathroom of a dry cleaner shop?!
Just when you think you’ve seen it all…
Interesting article from Associated Press… that’s right Cranky Monkey, the Associated Press. Not what you call right-wing fanaticism that is Fox News. That’s right [myself], it’s not what I call left-wing fanaticism that is CNN. It’s from what may possibly be, the only news source that is still unbiased.
This article talks about the basic facts of our democratic candidate’s behaviors: translated to hypocricy – a general trait requirement for any government official.
I just hope this is the beginning of these two candidates eating each other. Not metaphorically either.
I think as we get closer to November 8th and we find the superdelegates don’t have enough of a margin to declare the Democratic nominee and the Democrat party itself still can’t ever make a decision (reference Seattle Viaduct, light rail, monorail for perfect examples), these candidates are literally going to freak out, attack each other, and the winner takes all. Especially the thigh. Why the thigh? Because neither Barack nor Hillary have a breast that anyone would ever want.
I hope you enjoyed the pun.
My wife sent me this article and it reminded me of when I was kid. A stupid jackass of a kid.
I was about 5 or 6 years old and obsessed with ThunderCats. I had the Lion-o action figure that, when the button is pressed on his back, the toy would swing it’s “Eye of Thundera” sword up and down.
I thought I was so cool if I could be Lion-o, so I grabbed a butter knife and mimicked the character:
Thunder. Thunder! THUNDER! THUNDERCATS – HO!!!!
splat. I think I just stabbed myself in the eyeball. Yup, that’s right. Butter knife in the cornia.
Hm… lesson learned? Yes. Butter knives are for butter. Not eye balls.
I also learned, later in life, that mimicking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wasn’t much safer either.
This is for all you gaming nerds out there… Answer me this:
How can there be more than one Final Fantasy?
