Super Classy Cars, Vol. 11

Don’t worry, this series isn’t dead yet.  So, check this out.  You all should know about my feelings on retarded paint jobs, bumper stickers, and modifications to vehicles that have no benefit whatsoever, except to identify the jackassery of it’s owner.

Here’s a new one to add to the list.

I can’t seem to come to a decision whether this voids or validates the saying “Birds of a feather flock together”, but the fact remains, this guy (or girl, I don’t know), has pasted their entire car with feathers.  That’s right, feathers.

What was going on in this person’s mind when they did this?  I can’t tell you for certain, but here’s a few things that I came up with:

• Feathers will make my car faster
• Feathers allow birds to fly, maybe I can fly too
• Oh, I know how can show support for gay birds!
• I’m a douchebag, and proud of it.  How can I tell the world…. ah, I’ve got an idea!
• OMG, the acid is kicking in.  The walls are melting and my car should be feathered.

I think I’ve made my point on how much a jackass I think this guy is.  Now, I encourage you to leave some comments with how YOU think this happened… especially if YOU are the owner of this Super Classy Car.

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 10

I am not a fan of bumper stickers.  To me, bumper stickers say “I am fully aware that my car sucks.  I am fully aware that the only way I can pretend that people on the road give a damn about my opinions is to put as many bumper stickers as I can on my car.  I am fully aware that I am a jackass.”

OK, maybe one bumper sticker is fine.  But when you have many bumper stickers, you become the aforementioned jackass.

This guy not only has 100’s of bumper stickers (the most I’ve ever seen at once), but has actually removed his spare tire to make room for more bumper stickers.  I don’t want to judge, but come on… wouldn’t you if you saw this:

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 9

I have to say I almost missed this one.  This car is cleverly disguised in camouflage, subtly fitting into the background of the, uh…  um, parking lot.

Camouflage, as you know, is used by someone to hide something.

This guy was obviously trying to hide the fact that he is a complete and total douchebag for doing this to a Benz.

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 8

Let’s ignore that this douchebag has a bright yellow late-80’s van. Let’s ignore the giant swirl of blue and white spray paint on the side. Let’s forget this is a white trash dirty old man that tries to hit on 17 and 18 year old baristas.

What we need to focus on is what is written in felt pen on the bumper.

“I brake 4 donkey shows”

Uh… hm… ya, that’s Super Classy.

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 7

Not much to say on this one except a BIG WTF!

This, otherwise normal Hyundai Tucson, was “blessed” with a custom zebra paint job on the hood.

Amazing that someone thought this was going to be a good idea.

I do apologize for quality of the photo, but it was dark and all I had was this non-flash iPhone camera. Hopefully you still get the satisfaction of utter jackassery.

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 6

One shouldn’t have to ask themselves “what is a truck for?”  One should know that it is intended to haul shit, run over shit, and get out of shit that cars can’t.  

What trucks are not: racing vehicles.  Trucks should not be lowered, put on 20″ inch chromes, and DEFINITELY NOT HAVE A SPOILER INSTALLED!

If you have done any of the above 3 things, you are a freakin’ moron.  

 

• When you lower a truck, you can no longer run shit over.  This makes you a lame-ass.
• When you put wheels that were intended for racing performance, you are trying to make your truck look like a ricer.  This makes you a poser.
• When you put a spoiler on the back of the bed of your truck, you have officially turned yourself into a turd-burglar.

 

So, tell me, you posin’ lame-ass-turd-burglar, why the &%$# would you do this:

Freakin’ douchebag.

Another edition of Super Classy Cars!

This super classy ride was found in Bellevue, WA. Ironically, this city actually is considered classy, and not in a sarcastic manner. In fact, I’m really surprised that this guy hasn’t been beaten with the Omnipotent Stick for driving it here. Simply amazing.

Anyway, this super classy car is a mid-1990’s Chevy S-10 featuring wannabe Altezza taillights (Altezzas are pretty gay anyway, but getting knockoffs takes you to a whole new level of ghetto).

In addition, this ride is lowered and features 18″ chrome wheels. My question here is: DUDE, WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY A TRUCK IF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT LESS FUNCTIONAL THAN A SOLAR POWERED FLASHLIGHT?!

Last but not least, check out that spoiler. Oh man… If that is not the truest definition of “retard” I have ever seen, then God help us all. This is proof that society is truly becoming an idiocracy.

And that, my friends, is your newest edition to the series that is… SUPER CLASSY CARS!!!!

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 4

Just when you thought I was going to leave you begging for more Super Classy Cars… My buddy Mink was able to send me yet another edition of Super Classy: Astro Pimp’n!

This sweet ride was found in Las Vegas. As you can see, this late 90s Astro van is rockin’ some major bling with chrome rims, Altezza style tail lights, and sittin’ on airbag suspension (notice the backend is way higher than the front). This driver wants the world to know that he is straight up Astro Pimp’n. Are we looking at a mobile brothel?

Notice the license plate. This Astro Pimp is from Texas. I think some Texans need to have a word with this guy because he is only promoting the stereotype, and quote from Full Metal Jacket: “There’s only two things that come from Texas: Steers and queers. You son, sure don’t look like a steer to me.”

Note to my family from Texas: apologies for the stereotype reference

Note to my friends NOT from Texas: If you call anyone from my family in Texas a steer or queer, they will be sure to kick your ass.

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 3

It’s that time again… Super Classy Cars! This Super Classy Car is one I found in Maui. Apparently, not even Hawaii can escape the jackassery that modifies a mid-80’s Honda Civic painted pink with purple and blue swirly designs on the side, along with chrome fender covers, gold emblems, a black vinyl roof, and a really really sad attempt at 5-spoke rims.

Oh yes… here is your Super Classy Car from Hawaii…

Super Classy Cars, Vol. 2

Alright, again… sorry for the super crappy quality photo.  This was a last minute, in traffic snap.  I passed the car and it took a minute to register what I just saw.  By the time I realized what this car represented, I had already passed it, so I had to bust out my camera phone and take the picture via my side view mirror.  Since the pic doesn’t do it justice, I’ll give you a quick overview:

• Chrysler PT Cruiser (you know, the car that looks like a mess created after shooting a scene in a porn flick and before the janitor cleans it up)
• Paint job: White with black spots
• License plate: COW 54 and the license plate frame with an utter hanging off it

I think I have painted the picture enough for you… Here you go: