You make the vote

Ah, it’s a fine line when dealing with the realities of life versus the realities of dealing with douchebags. This post from F My Life is a perfect example:

Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn’t have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying “This is life. Once you think you’re happy, someone crushes it”. FML

Reality or douchebag? I vote the latter.

werd homes

This guy is straight up representin’ the hood.

You ever feel like this?

Whenever you’re at work, do you feel like you’re just repeating yourself?

Lithps are funny

Note: This entire post is spoken in “lisp”.

Tho, my thtep-daughter-to-be jutht got her bratheth on yethterday. Ath part of the protheth, the orthodontitht had to put a bridge behind her two front teeth. Thith is thuppothed to help the overbite.

Ath thuch, thhe hath a major lithp. Everything thhe thays hath a lithp. It ith funny as thit. Ethpethially when thhe thtartth talking about her anime cartoonth. I can’t recall all the nameth, but thhe did thpout them off a minute ago and all I heard wath:

“th-thththth-thth-th” or thomething along thothe lineth.

Tho, my advithe to you ith that if you ever need good tholid entertainment, throw thome brathes on your kid. If you don’t have a kid, come on over to my houthe for hourth of endleth entertainment.

Well, thath all for now. Thee ya later thuckas!

P.S. Who’s cruel idea was it to put the letter S in the word LISP?

What happened?

So, over the last couple days my style sheet was blown and I didn’t have my background or columns anymore. Not sure what happened, but I got it fixed now. Qwitcherbitchin.

Superman’s other weakness

I was so busy this weekend that I only had time to think about the really important things in life, such as holes in the story of why Superman’s secret identity as Clark Kent has not been exposed to the characters in the DC Comics universe much easier.

Think about it. Clark Kent grew up in Smallville, defined in the movies and comics as the typical small town. You know, the type where everyone knows everyone. Or, as Ron White put it, “We lived in a small town of 400 people. Trust me, we’ve met.”

This means, every one in that town knew Clark Kent. Now, think about people that wear glasses. People that wear glasses generally do not wear them 100% of the time. Especially if they don’t know that one that day they are going to have a secret identity where the glasses will determine the difference in alter egos.

So, are they trying to convince us that Clark Kent NEVER took off his glasses in a small town, disallowing anyone in Smallville to one day put 2 and 2 together and recognize the man in tights plastered all over the Daily Planet to be their local farmboy, Clark Kent?

Maybe I’m just blowing smoke here and assuming higher intelligence from residents of Kansas. Either way, this is plan jackassery.

ROLLIN’, ROLLIN’, ROLLIN’

Everyone’s favorite recording artist, Fred Durst, has proven himself an idiot once again.  Just to clarify, when I say “everyone’s favorite recording artist”, I mean “that moron every one believes is the definition of “jackass”.

Check out this story: Durst pleads no contest in assault case

Who said this?

(1) “We’re going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”

(2) “It’s time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few, and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity.”

(3) “(We) can’t just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people.”

(4) “We have to build a political consensus, and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own turf in order to create this common ground.”

(5) “I certainly think the free-market has failed.”

(6) “I think it’s time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy – that they are being watched.”

Now you might think these were the famous words of the Father of
communism, Karl Marx.

And you would be on the right track in thinking so.

But you would be wrong.
These pearls of socialist/Marxist wisdom are from non other than
our very own, home-grown Marxist. . . .

Hillary Clinton!

Can you be dumber?

I’m not the type of guy that will watch the Miss USA contest, but this one would have been worth it. My co-worker showed it to me and I laughed my ass off.

Miss South Carolina was asked “There are a lot of people in the world that cannot find the U.S. on a map. Why?”

Miss South Carolina’s response:
“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq — everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should… our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. — or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future…”

OMFG. Can you believe that? Funny shit.

Then, to top it off, you can also get a “Miss South Carolina Collectible” on eBay

Jackassery Award of the Day, Vol. 2

Jackass 1: “Hey, let’s play some frisbee!”

Jackass 2: “Sweet, sounds like fun. Wait… we don’t have a frisbee”

Jackass 1: “Actually, I see one right over there. I’ll grab it.”

Jackass 2: “Perfect. Grab that and we’ll start throwing it around”

Jackass 1: “Got it. Seems kind of heavy. Whatever. Here it comes!”

Jackass 2: “Holy crap, that is heavy. Whatever.”

Jackass 1 and 2 throw the frisbee around a few more times and then:

Lifeguard: “STOP!!! PUT THAT DOWN GENTLY!”

Jackass 1: “Uh… alright… why?”

Lifeguard: “Hang on. I’m calling the police. You’re not in trouble, just a retard.”

Within minutes the police, including the bomb squad, shows up and confirms the frisbee is actually an old Soviet 6 kilogram anti-tank mine.

And that, my friends, gets the 2nd Jackassery Award of the Day.